Onion and Dragons
by MidnightWritings
Summary: One rainy afternoon, Connie, Steven, and Onion attempt to play Dungeons and Dragons.


The temple usually smelled somewhat of gas station burritos and whatever Amethyst had last concocted for dinner, but today it smelled of microwave popcorn and hot chocolate. Rain was pit-pattering against the window panes, adding to the cozy ambiance.

The Gems were off on a mission supposedly too dangerous for either Steven or Connie to join, leaving the duo to their own devices for the day. As of recently, they had been campaigning a new game Connie called Dungeons and Dragons. Steven was instantly hooked on the heroic play-by-play and often was able to drag Garnet or Amethyst in to play so that Connie could be the dungeon master. (The kids had agreed a crown was in order, but not until after the current campaign was over.) WIth only the two of them available today, Onion had been sought out to be their third.

Dice clacked against each other as they skittered across the coffee table. "Boom!" Steven threw his hands up into the air. "Success by two! Take that, you evil salad!"

"It's pronounced 'slaad', Steven." Connie said from behind the fortress of blankets and pages she had strewn about her. She took her job as DM very seriously. Onion took a brain-shaped kernel of popcorn from the bowl, threw it so that it bounced against two walls at the corner of the room, and landed in his mouth, covered in dust. He reached for another piece to repeat the process.

"Salad is pretty evil, too." The half-Gem pointed out, reaching for his hot chocolate. Onion nodded sagely, though both suspected he had never eaten a meal fit for human consumption in his life. "I search the slaad for loot."

"You find 30 gold, the skull of a human, and a belt of plus two intelligence." Connie said, checking her monster sheet. Steven grinned and passed the dice to his cohort. "It's your turn, Onion. Steven knocked out the slaad, but there's still more treasure to be found if you continue on in the dungeon." Onion considers his options, rolling the dice in his small hands thoughtfully. Connie had given up on trying to get him to talk to her, so she gave him two options. "You can leave the dungeon _with your lives intact_ or you can go deeper." She tried to look menacing and evil, but it just ended up looking cute, Steven thought. Onion held up one finger to indicate that he wanted to move on.

"Good move, Onion!" Steven crowed. "We want to get to the big boss! I think it's going to be a lich!"

"Could be, could be," Connie said as she tried to discreetly change the notes on her monster sheet. "Alright, your party is walking down a dark, creepy hallway when you reach a fork in the path. One side is dimly lit, but you can hear the sound of claws against the walls. The other side is completely dark and you can hear something breathing."

"Dimly lit hall! Dimly lit hall! Claws mean that they might be in cages!" Steven slammed his hands down on the table, his eyes excited. Onion shook his head and held up two fingers.

"You want to go down the completely dark hall?" Connie made a mark in her notes and Onion nodded. "Alright. Your team goes down the dark hallway. Something small scampers across your feet. You can feel the breath of your teammates on your neck. Suddenly, your cleric gives a short scream and disappears from the group completely. Do you continue forward or go after her?"

"We can't leave anyone behind! Especially not someone who could save our hides when we reach the lich!" Steven knocked over his mostly-empty mug of hot chocolate in his excitement. "Oops," He ran to get a towel while Onion weighed his options.

"You don't _know_ it's going to be a lich," Connie mumbled, mostly to herself. The redness on her cheeks made Steven think it was going to be a lich. Onion nodded with a sense of finality and held up two fingers. "You're going after her?" He nodded again.

"Of course we are! No one gets left behind or forgotten, like in that sad movie with the alien we watched at movie night." Steven thought Onion would finally be able to see the way of what Connie called "lawful good."

"Your team looks back towards where your cleric last was. Roll for perception to find a secret entrance." Connie scooted backwards so that she could lay on her stomach while still being able to reach her copious notes. The dice flew out of Onion's hand and Steven cheered.

"Crit success!" The human girl looked surprised, as Onion's previous rolls had made it seem like he wasn't interested in playing at all.

"You feel your way along the slimy wall to find a slight crack in the wall that opens more at your touch. You confidently lead your team through only to find yourself in the den of a yuan-ti!" Steven gasped, his hand to his chest.

"...I don't know what a yuan-ti is." He admitted, looking sheepish.

"It's a 'Devious serpent folk devoid of compassion, yuan-ti manipulate other creatures by arousing their doubts, evoking their fears, and elevating and crushing their hopes.'" Connie read from her monster sheet, looking pleased with herself.

"Wow…" Steven said, sliding down so that his position mimicked hers. "So that's one seriously bad dude." Onion shrugged, seeming nonplussed.

"The yuan-ti isn't in his lair currently, but you see that your cleric is tied to a pole in the middle, her hands behind her back and forced into an uncomfortable standing position. Steven, what do you do?"

"I run for her!" He said triumphantly.

"Give me a strength check." Steven's face fell as soon as the dice dropped from his slid over in front of Onion, who eyed them with a strange look on his face.

"Crit fail." He said, his shoulders dropping. Connie ran a finger down her sheet, following the guideline she had so carefully set out.

"Your foot catches on a trip wire and you fall forward. The secret door seals itself into the wall so that it is now invisible once again. Large, pointy spikes come out of the walls opposite you and start moving towards your cleric. Onion, do you try to save your cleric or do try to find a way out?"

"We have to save the cleric! She's our only hope!" The half-human was beside himself at the thought of losing a part of their pretend team. Tears formed in his eyes.

Quick as a flash, Onion snatched the dice from where they lay in front of him and popped them into his mouth. _Gulp!_ The dice were gone, and so he would be as well. The young boy jumped up from his position on the floor and burst through the screen door, leaving an Onion-shaped hole. Steven and Connie jumped up as well, but he was already out of sight when they got to the door.

"ONNNIOOOONNNNN!"


End file.
